I’ve been mean­ing to make a quick com­ment on ASB’s deci­sion to pur­sue the pros­ti­tute that their for­mer employee  Stephen Ver­salko spent $2.4million on, claim­ing that the pros­ti­tute should “return” the money because keep­ing it would be “unconscionable” .

This is a big mis­take for 3 reasons:

1) They cannot/will not win

2) It would cre­ate all sorts of ter­ri­ble precedents

3) It would be a PR disaster

First rea­son: they can­not win. We can say that because case law says that: if some­one enters into a con­tract with you, it is not their prob­lem where you get the money from, unless they know­ingly entered into the con­tract to deliver ser­vices armed with the knowl­edge that the money was ille­gally obtained. This would in turn make them a party to fraud.

Since the woman in ques­tion has never been charged, or has never even been inves­ti­gated for being a party to the fraud then ASB can­not have a case.

Essen­tially ASB are say­ing that the woman received stolen goods. There are two con­di­tions that must be met in order for you to be charged with receiv­ing stolen goods: firstly, you must will­ingly take the goods, or enter into some arrange­ment whereby you agree to take the goods. This is why if some­one steals some­thing and then throws it onto your prop­erty you haven’t com­mit­ted a crime.

Sec­ondly, you have to know that the goods were stolen.

The only way that ASB have a case is if they can prove, beyond any doubt that the woman knew that she was being paid in stolen money. Not only that, but they must prove that she knew AT THE TIME that the con­tract was entered into.

ASB’s case is that the woman should return the money, after the fact, because she is now aware that the money was acquired from her client fraud­u­lently in order to meet his con­trac­tu­ally arrange­ment with her. They are ask­ing the woman to retroac­tively ex post dis­cover the source of her income.

Pros­ti­tu­tion is legal in New Zealand, if you engage in it then you are sim­ply pro­vid­ing a ser­vice, and earn­ing pay­ment from that ser­vice. The media may be tit­il­lated by the fact that sex­ual acts are included in those ser­vices, but a con­tract is a con­tract is a contract.

I’m sorry ASB, but you sim­ply can­not argue that. It would be the equiv­a­lent of one of your mort­gage hold­ers com­ing into one of your branches and attempt­ing to nul­lify their mort­gage with you because, look­ing back, if they had known, at the time that they entered into the con­tract, that mort­gage rates would go down they wouldn’t have entered into the mort­gage con­tract with you. You would quite rightly laugh in their face.

When I say that the woman had to “know” that the money was obtained fraud­u­lently I mean she had to “KNOW”, not “had a vague feel­ing” or “some­how sus­pected” or even that a “rea­son­able per­son would sus­pect” the money was stolen. ASB has a huge hur­dle to clear if they want a judgment.

Unless ASB can prove that the woman know­ingly and will­ingly entered into a crim­i­nal con­spir­acy with Mr Ver­salko to defraud ASB and ben­e­fit from the crime then they sim­ply have no case.

Sec­ond, imag­ine what would hap­pen if they suc­ceed. The “grey econ­omy” is about 10% of the New Zealand economy–about 10% of all eco­nomic activ­ity involves some unde­clared, unac­counted for or just plain dodgy act. What ASB are say­ing is that not only are those trans­ac­tions ille­gal, but every sub­se­quent use of that money is ille­gal. Guess what? every­one is a criminal.

The econ­omy (includ­ing the bank­ing sys­tem) could not func­tion if every sin­gle dol­lar had to be kosher.

This would sim­ply be unen­force­able and silly.

Are ASB going to go after the guy that Ver­salko bought his paper off every morn­ing? Why not? Why stop there? Why not go after the pub­lish­ers of that morn­ing paper as well? After-all, they ben­e­fited from the crime.

Third rea­son. ASB are mak­ing a big mis­take by going after this woman. If they do con­tinue with the case they will be on the news every night, remind­ing the coun­try how one guy man­aged to dupe them and their secu­rity. They would also come over as the big bad bully.

Here’s what I think has hap­pened. This woman is pretty smart by the looks of it, and has invested the money wisely in prop­erty. I think ASB are hop­ing that this woman would rather pay them some of the money she earned, rather than risk her iden­tity being exposed.

ASB want some­thing, any­thing, back after being made to look like chumps by one of their for­mer employ­ees. But, as Judge Judy would say: “You’re suing the wrong guy Ma’am!”

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It’s fash­ion­able to give away gay lit­tle awards and make pre­dic­tions at this time of year, so here’s my take. Here’s my wish-list for the year, along with their rel­a­tive probabilities.

Wish 1: National and ACT to finally sound off like they’ve got a pair.

Nine years in pur­ga­tory! Nine long long, lonely years, and what do you have to show from your first year back in power (where you belong)? Ummm can­celled tax cuts and com­pul­sory head­lights for motorcyclists.

Come on, you soft pricks!

You can’t pla­cate the bureau­crats, sup­pli­cate the Maoris, appease the rad­i­cals, lenify the spe­cial inter­ests and try to be everyone’s fuck­ing friend for­ever. Get you hands off the young nat muffins and sound off like you’ve got a pair.

Key seems to have the strat­egy that if only he doesn’t rock the boat on any­thing what­so­ever, don’t do any­thing that may just put anyone’s nose out of joint, even a little-biddy bit then he’ll get re-elected.

The result has been that Helen Clark gets a fourth term. Meet the new boss—same as the old boss.

Most grat­ing to me this last year was not so much the can­cel­la­tion of the tax cuts; it was the way it was done. After years of preach­ing to us from the oppo­si­tion benches that tax cuts were the best way to rev-up the econ­omy, and how Labour was bloat­ing the econ­omy with inef­fi­cient spend­ing, what’s the first thing they do when the econ­omy hits an air-pocket? They run away like lit­tle girls, can­cel the tax cuts and spend-up on a cycle path the length of the country.

Even more grat­ing still was the flimsy excuse: ignore all those huge sur­pluses, and pre­dict mas­sive spend­ing blow-outs, which was curi­ously enough based on the con­tin­u­a­tion of the spend­ing num­bers put for­ward by Labour. I mean, any­one would sus­pect that they didn’t actu­ally believe their own rhetoric about cut­ting taxes, wouldn’t they?

As for ACT: for the “party of prin­ci­ple” they sure were easy to buy off huh? Did you ever think you would see ACT stand­ing up in Par­lia­ment and clap a bud­get that cut tax cuts and promised to try to spend our way out of a reces­sion? Did you?

Prob­a­bil­ity of National and ACT grow­ing a pair: 20%. Per­haps the Nats are just wait­ing until the reces­sion is over. Per­haps ACT will col­lec­tively come back from a busi­ness class trip over­seas. Per­haps they are just get­ting ready to do what they said they were going to do. Per­haps. Per­haps. Per­haps. No chance.

Wish 2:
“envi­ron­men­tal­ism” and the Greens to finally run out of get-out-of-jail-free cards.

This is a peren­nial wish of mine. I just hope for an end to this fawn­ing that the Greens get from the Press Gallery, and for their MPs and poli­cies to finally get the scrutiny that oth­ers expect from the fourth estate. Most notably, I’d love a seri­ous objec­tive cost-benefit analy­sis of their ban-it, tax-it, regulate-it pol­icy plat­form. Instead we should look for­ward to another year of soft-balling treat­ment for the Greens.

Case in point: peak oil. When oil was over $150 a bar­rel, the Greens would rejoice and issue a press release every time it moved up, glee­fully herald­ing the end of cap­i­tal­ism. Funny how no-one’s ask­ing them why they’ve gone curi­ously quiet now that it’s at about $50.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 10% Those adorable, hugable, smelly Greens will still keep get­ting the kid-gloves.

World-wide I’m a bit more optimistic—at last some­thing approach­ing a rea­soned argu­ment about global warm­ing. The ques­tions that should have been asked years ago are finally being asked: It is real? Do humans cause it? Can we stop it? Is it good or bad? How much will it cost? Is it worth it?

Prob­a­bil­ity: 50%

Wish 3: For Simon Cow­ell to be kid­napped, tor­tured and raped and then slowly choked to death, the same way he has done so to music and television.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 25%. Even though he is the most hated, despised per­son in Britain, never under­es­ti­mate the herd­ing instinct in humans.

Wish 4: for FIFA to actu­ally get tough on div­ing, play-acting, the­atrics, intim­i­da­tion of ref­er­ees, and defend­ers stick­ing up their arms appeal­ing for off-side every time the other team scores a goal, before the World Cup becomes an unwatch­able farce in which Span­ish and Por­tuguese speak­ing poofs spend the whole month of the tour­na­ment rolling around on the ground in agony.

I’m more con­cerned about this than my mum’s safety in South Africa dur­ing the tournament.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 0.0002%. Sepp “where’s the hook­ers?” Blat­ter actu­ally doing some­thing that every­one wants? No chance.

(BTW: My mum gets to sup­port 3 teams this time! New Zealand for the first 2 weeks (until they get knocked out), Eng­land for the next 3 days (until they get knocked out) and then Italy until the final.)

Wish 4: Labour in Britain to get the boot.

Do you really want me to list the rea­sons?
Prob­a­bil­ity: 94%

Wish 5: Obama to finally get found out for the snake oil sales­man he is.

Even though he has the MSM in the tank, even though you are clearly a racist if you crit­i­cise him, he is now into his sec­ond year of power and can no longer really auto­mat­i­cally blame Bush when­ever any­thing bad hap­pens and take the credit when­ever any­thing good happens.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 45%. I seri­ously believe that this guy has a lim­ited shelf life and is 25% of his way through his time as president.

Wish 6: For the econ­omy to make comeback

When the econ­omy tanks, peo­ple suf­fer. They lose their jobs and the qual­ity of life goes back­wards. A strong, dynamic, grow­ing econ­omy is the best social wel­fare pol­icy. Plus I get to buy all sorts of cool elec­tronic shit.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 65%. I don’t think that “it’s inevitable” that the econ­omy will rebound, it doesn’t have to by right, and fuel prices could be on the way up. But on bal­ance the world econ­omy should be in a bet­ter place by this time next year.

Wish 7: for the Bea­t­les to finally remove “Back in the USSR” from the White Album.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 0%. With only Ringo to say no, Paul McCart­ney (who is actu­ally a crab-person) may even INCREASE the num­ber of syrupy, crappy pop-songs on the albums.

Wish 8: For the Apple iSlate not to suck.

Prob­a­bil­ity: 5%. Sooner or later, one of their prod­ucts must suck, they can’t all be supe­rior, well designed, ergonomic, depend­able mas­ter­pieces can they?

Wish 9: for the fol­low­ing peo­ple to harden the fuck up:
The All Blacks
Shane Bond
The Black Caps bat­ting order
The Eng­land foot­ball team
David Far­rar
The Phoenix
The Labour Party
The Press Gallery
Aimee
The Gman
The Welsh
Anti-biotics
NASA

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August 28, 2009

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